I’ve been thinking a lot lately about value, worth, and people-pleasing. For a long time, if I was honest, I found my value and worth in what other people thought of me. I guess you could say I was a doormat, someone others walked all over.
There’s an old family story from when my little sister was a baby. I would have been two years old. One day, my family heard me screaming very loudly (which wasn’t like me). They found me in the other room, leaning over the baby. My hair was in her tiny fist, and I just stood there, screaming. They told me, “Nancy, don’t let the baby pull your hair.” Yup. That’s where I started. Giving others what they wanted, even if it hurt me.
As a child, my best friend dominated. We did whatever she wanted when she wanted to do it (unless my parents said no). My dad later told me he overheard my friend say once that she didn’t like it when I went to church camp in the summer because I was harder to control each time I came back. God was working on my heart even then.
As I continued to grow, I figured out that I could not please everyone, and I knew I should please the Lord above all, but there was still a small group of people whose opinions meant a lot to me. If they disapproved, I would be hurt and often change what I did to please them.
I memorized Galatians 1:10 and repeated it over and over, praying for the words to sink deep into my core. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
God continued working on my heart, and I developed a thicker skin. It no longer mattered if people didn’t like what I was doing as long as I knew Christ had led me to do it. This didn’t mean I steamrolled over people, hurting and dismissing others without care. Instead, I learned how to lead a group through change. I learned about the importance of a vision, a clear picture of where a group is headed, and did my best to ensure people got the information and motivation they needed. (It’s true that you have to say something many different ways and when you’re tired of saying something over and over, other people are just starting to get it.) I learned how to recruit, teach, train, and pray for those under my leadership so we, as a team, were better equipped to pursue that God-given vision. I shepherded the flock entrusted to me, listening to them and implementing suggestions but not veering from the direction God pointed (unless the Lord showed me I needed to change). All of that is good and biblical, but I was missing something important.
Over the last couple of years, God has continued working in my heart. I’m learning that my value and worth are tied to who I am in Christ Jesus, not what I do. Again, this is something most Christians know and affirm, but it is harder to know it with every fiber of your being.
See, I realized that I was still giving everything I could to others, even if it hurt me. I thought I was following the Lord and honoring Him, but I was trying to do as much as I could by myself to keep the work going, trying to build something God could be proud of. That’s not how God designed the church to work. It is not all up to me. I can glorify God with something small just as well as with something big (Matt. 25:14-20). Plus, it’s not “my work.” It’s the work of the church, the family of God, where everyone has one or more spiritual gifts that work together to do what He’s called us to do. When I lived and worked like everything depended on me, I was not trusting the all-wise, all-powerful, sovereign work of God. And I was not serving in the church as I ought. God has a job for me to do. That job may change over time, but I need to do my job, not someone else’s. If God has not called me to do something, then He’s calling someone else to do it. If I jump in to do it anyway, I am not in line with the will of the Lord and I have taken away someone else’s place to serve. My job is to follow the Lord’s lead, not try to lead Him.
Where do you find your value, worth, and purpose? Is it in the things you do or in who you are in Christ Jesus our Lord? Is God prodding you in this area like He is me? Let me know in the comments, and let’s encourage one another.
For more about who we are in Christ, check out this post.
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