You’ve probably heard that God has a plan for your life. You may have also heard that the Lord wants what’s best for you. What happens when God’s best is not what we want? What if He asks you to let go of something you hold dear? Could your hopes and dreams be holding you back from God’s best?
I don’t like to talk much about my health struggles, but, remembering 2 Corinthians 11:30 and 12:5, 9, I think I need to give you an update. My prayer is that the Lord will encourage you through my story.
In 2021, after pushing myself hard and trying to do too much for too long in a very stressful situation, my body started shutting down to the point where I couldn’t do much of anything. I resigned from my position as a children’s minister and started looking for answers. That is when I discovered I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS). I learned more about it and found that it explains the struggles and health issues I’ve had since I was a teenager. Over my lifetime, by the grace of God, I’ve managed it to greater and lesser success, sometimes living a mostly normal life and sometimes struggling greatly while hiding it as much as possible. At one point, I was very healthy and living a full life, so I know recovery is possible. (After that, I made some bad decisions and got sick again.) Because I knew I had recovered once, I knew it was possible to do again. I just wasn’t sure how.
In 2022, the Lord led me to CFS Health, a recovery program that focuses on all areas of life. Following this program, I’ve seen great progress and now have the tools to keep going until, Lord willing, I reach my goal. For the last several months, the Lord has been working on my heart and mind on several difficult things. I never realized how much energy it takes to do emotional work and deal with unrest. Still, it’s needed and healing.
One of the most frustrating and heartbreaking things about CFS is that you want and feel the need to do so much more than you are physically and mentally capable of doing. When you push to do it anyway, your overall health goes backwards. They call it the “push-crash cycle.” Unsurprisingly, the way to reverse that trend is to cut way back on what you do. The idea is that as you stay within your current capacity, your body has a chance to heal and rebuild its energy reserves. After your body settles into its new level, you can add a little more to slightly expand your capacity. Then, you wait for your body to adjust and settle in before repeating the process. Over time, your current capacity expands to be the same as any other healthy person. It’s impossible to predict how long it takes to fully recover. It could be six months or several years.
As a Christ-follower, I must also ask the question: How I can honor, serve, and obey the Lord in my current capacity?
To be honest, cutting back is hard- very hard. Especially since I need to cut out so very much at this point in time. In fact, I’ve had to let go of so much that I’ve lost most of my dreams and what defined who I am. I had not realized how much value I placed on what I could do. The Lord is using this time to remind me that my identity is in Christ alone. I’ve also relied heavily on these two verses:
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Cor. 12:9 NIV
“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.” Phil. 3:7-8 NIV
Recently, the Lord brought me to a place where I could finally let go of everything. I am letting go of my hopes, dreams, identity, ministry, everything. I will stick with the recovery plan He gave me to follow and see what the Lord sees fit to restore to me. My prayer is for a Job restoration.
Then Job replied to the Lord:
“I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted…
My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”… After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before…
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part…
After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. And so Job died, an old man and full of years.
Job 42:1-2, 5-6, 10, 12, 16-17 NIV
What about you? What are you holding onto that you need to lay at the foot of the cross? Are you determined to follow your plan for your life, or are you willing to let God direct your steps and turn over control to Him? Do you trust Him enough to let go of some things that are not pleasing to Him? To forgive those who have hurt or angered you? Please take a few moments to pray Psalm 139:23-24 with me:
“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Father, we want to honor You in all we say and do, but we don’t always get it right. Forgive us for when we’ve stumbled, turned away, or thought we knew better than You. Help us to forgive others as You have forgiven us, whether they deserve it or not. (We didn’t.) Show us what You want to change in our lives. Help us to surrender it all to You. Show us how You want us to use our time today. Help us to rest in You. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.
